My Will
June 7, 2010This article is in case I somehow reach a position of importance or wealth and foolishly die before creating a genuine will.
MY WILL, BY TEMPEST
In the event of my death, I wish to award the sum of £376 to the first person to reply to this blog post. The sum of my properties, empire and money (hereafter known as “The Prize”) will be up for grabs to the person who can complete (with proof) all of the following tasks.
1- Donate £500 towards a charity specialising in what ever killed me (even if it is the stop the buses from hitting people foundation)
2- Donate one of my coffee mugs to the church informing them it is the Holy Grail
3- Find a 3, 4 and 5 leave clover
4- Help an Elderly person across the road, but stop helping half way, leaving them stranded.
5- Show a normally clothed body part on a live TV broadcast
6- Punch Paris Hilton in the face. If she is dead at this point, find her grave, fall to your knees and beat the soil screaming “Don’t ever come back”
7- Go to the train station in silver city and open locker number 001. If it can not be opened (requirement of a key for example) break into the locker and steal the contents before anybody knows
8- Travel to an earthquake or disaster area that has been abandoned and clean up 5 square meters of space with a dustpan and brush
9- Plan an oceans 11 style bank heist in France with at least 5 members, where your role is to disable the security systems from a secure location. On the day of the heist, instead of disabling the security, move back home and send them a post card in prison saying “wish you were here”
10- Before I am buried / burnt or disposed of, die my hair Hex colour 05e3f7 and take a photo of me and you sitting on a park bench.
The Prize will be given to anybody able to complete all of these tasks and provide the necessary items of proof to show that they have been performed. 12 months after my death, if nobody has claimed The Prize, then it will be changed into 1 Million pound coins and placed in a duck tales style vault for friends and family to swim in.
FIRST!
So, when are you planning on dying?
FUCK. I missed out on POUNDS OF STERLING.
god damn thumb. god damn.
going to set up the chronic masturbation fatigue centre right now, so i can give that 500 to myself and still claim the prize
That does rather assume that the total of your worldly goods will exceed £1,000,376 and that your friends and family will have access to a secure location wher the money could be placed in such a way as be swimmable in. You may also wish to mention in an appendix to your will who your friends are such that anyone claiming to be so would not erroniously be granted acces to your money pool.
I wish to add, on a personal note, that swimming in money is not very much fun when it’s not yours.
On a slightly more serious note, I’m having an insanity clause drawn up to state that you are not of sane body and mind at this time and your monies should be donated to a safe groud, such as tPK, for holding util such time as an heir can be found.
An heir can be found…..theres going to be heirs running all over the place.